I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
