I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
