it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
