drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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