Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
