wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
are you so shy because you have an std?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
