I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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