it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
