i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
