I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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