This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
