Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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