How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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