There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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