do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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