On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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