we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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