My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.