Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
