She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused