There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.