Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now

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  (248): I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now http://tfl.nu/naz7
  Replies (3) Good night (3097) Bad night (743)
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  (818): View more from California

  my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.

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  (818): my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again. http://tfl.nu/vc1t
  Replies (24) Good night (3720) Bad night (609)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

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  (307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k
  Replies (11) Good night (6594) Bad night (999)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.

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  (913): I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM. http://tfl.nu/ou48
  Replies (33) Good night (1570) Bad night (5075)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

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  (614): My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/lss6
  Replies (26) Good night (6160) Bad night (3717)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.

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  (757): yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd. http://tfl.nu/nagb
  Replies (13) Good night (3507) Bad night (1017)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?

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  (778): Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail? http://tfl.nu/fzou
  Replies (20) Good night (4901) Bad night (851)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense

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  (406): I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense http://tfl.nu/qajt
  Replies (48) Good night (5505) Bad night (1424)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Why are you speaking in third person?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.

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  (902): Why are you speaking in third person? (1-902): Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore. http://tfl.nu/1fh5
  Replies (5) Good night (3288) Bad night (749)
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  (916): View more from California

  God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.

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  (916): God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines. http://tfl.nu/isnh
  Replies (12) Good night (2274) Bad night (753)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl

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  (610): she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl http://tfl.nu/lpki
  Replies (62) Good night (808) Bad night (12262)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You said you were "testing the product for Chris."

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a bad man.

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  (732): While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing. (732): You said you were "testing the product for Chris." (848): I'm a bad man. http://tfl.nu/x77n
  Replies (2) Good night (1535) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed

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  (717): if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen? (484): i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed http://tfl.nu/7o4k
  Replies (7) Good night (1084) Bad night (414)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?

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  (215): I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack? http://tfl.nu/k7vl
  Replies (4) Good night (511) Bad night (263)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles

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  (303): Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles http://tfl.nu/b1h9
  Replies (0) Good night (645) Bad night (290)

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