So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This house was built for laser tag.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
