so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
