I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
