party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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