She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
