So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
