"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
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I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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