uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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