so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
