it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
