My hair reeks of homosexuality.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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