perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
