My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
