One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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