Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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