I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
