I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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