I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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