1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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