It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
