I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
