I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
