So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
