Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
