You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
