I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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