he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
