My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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