could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
