dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
