I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Someone signed my nipple.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
