Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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