Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
my liver is dry heaving
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
