I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
