he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
