ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
