True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
