I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
