i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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