Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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