My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
