There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love you. Go after that dick
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