she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
