He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
