then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
