what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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